films: Love Actually, He's Just Not That Into You

warnings: possible spoilers ahead. for sure a metric ton of swearing.

11. Love Actually, dir. Richard Curtis. 2003.

watched March 9, 2011

57. He's Just Not That Into You, dir. Ken Kwapis. 2009.

watched November 25, 2011

Tackling these two (vaguely entertaining but frankly terrible) movies together, because I have things to say that only have marginal relevance to both. (Or maybe possibly it is entirely too relevant.)

Fuck these movies. Seriously, fuck 'em. I am so ridiculously sick and tired of these tired ridiculous heterosexist white-people romantic comedies that espouse ridiculous gender conventions that are often demeaning to women.

The first half of Love Actually I spent cooing reluctantly at the actors on the screen, and by the second half I was just shoveling popcorn into my mouth shouting, "Yeah, white people! Go forth and conquer the day!" and "Yeah, white man! Why don't you show off just how entitled you think you fucking are by doing what-the-fuck-ever you are doing!" Which is, alright, a bit of an exaggeration, but seriously, Hollywood, seriously. You have that much cash on you and you can't pay decent writers to write you something fucking new? Do you think only white people go out to see movies? On that note, do you think all non-white people have a shit ton of baggage that the script must address and oh no, a two-hour movie just ain't long enough for that? I get that at least one of these movies is about holiday cheer and spreading the warm and fuzzy feelings of love but god way to alienate a good percentage of your viewers by making every single love story between white people. (And don't give me shit about how Keira Knightley's husband in Love Actually was black, the story revolved mostly around her and her husband's white best friend.)

Some people might read this and go, "Whoa, aren't you being a bit racist against white people?" And I will reply, very earnestly, "No. You can't be racist against white people. You can't erase privilege like that." So if I had to admit to being anything, I'd say that I'm prejudiced against white people in shitty films like Love Actually and He's Just Not That Into You. Why are they the only ones represented? Do Asian-Americans and other hyphenated Americans just not matter? Are our stories not worth being told on the silver screen?

What else did I hate about these movies? Ah yes, the heterosexism. Way to erase the homosexual population, the bisexual population, the trans* population, the anything-that-isn't-straight-straight-straight population.

Also, He's Just Not That Into You: fuck you. Fuck you and your massive hard-on for gender essentialism. Fuck you and your pedantic "girls shouldn't be so assertive!"

Also, who the fuck was Drew Barrymore's character? Why was she even relevant? Was it just to give everyone a happy ending, if only in potentia? (I'm pretty sure I used "in potentia" incorrectly, but at this point I don't give a fuck.) Did she exist just to poke fun of the supposed perils of internet dating? Really?

God. I just. Come on, Hollywood, is a romantic comedy not about a straight white couple too much to ask for?!